So here i am. April 1st waiting for my PC to start walking and attacking me....nothing. What a jip. These end of the world viruses never end up being nothing than a panic educed method for anti-virus software companies to get you to buy their shit. Cuase and effect? Maybe. Panic and mayhem? Could be. People just being people? Bingo. Some people can't help the world that controls them. I have always said control is an illusion. You have no control of anything butthe things you can control. Make sense?
I can't make someone love me. I can only control my actions that may infuence this other persons reaction to me. Some might say well, it's a sort of control becuase without you actions they wouldnt have any if the goal is love. Maybe. In the end it woudln't matter. People are wired a certain way and will interpert info how they see fit. Kinda like art. This one peice of art is a masterpeice to some and a disaster to another. To try to fix it so that both people like will end in a constant loop of one hating it and the other liking it. It's broken.
So in this journey of enlightenment and self awareness of fixing myself where do my actions matter in the course of being better for other people? I mentioned being preprogramed in ways of thought and action, funny thing is, so is everyone else. Where does it begin..or even end? If i sacrifice and change and adapt and try to be an art peice that everyone will like what would it matter if person A and B don't do the same? The million dollar question. The answer? It only matters to person YOU. I see now that this isn't so much a journey to fix my habbits and become a better person, friend, husband, father etc, but to be a better me....for me.
I can't change things no more than John Locke can, but i, like him can become one with himself and enjoy the pleasure of no stress. In knowing that the control that is elluding everyone else is a control i would posses within myself.
BTW, LOST is blowing me away. I can't imagine living without this show, same thing i'm sure i said about FRIENDS but i have all ten seasons on DVD so i still have them with me :P Peace out!
The time is now to change myself as a person. It's a big deal and the hardest thing i will ever go through and i have decided to post my progress in hope of a pseudo counseling session. Join me in the journey of new discovery.
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